I was fortunate enough to grown up in a household and environment where you could be or do anything you set your mind to. I can’t remember a single time ever having the thought or the concept of well I’m a girl so I can’t do that. My mom and my stepmom both had careers they loved, and everyone pitched in to make the household run. I also have a father that was blessed with the ability to mold me into the man he would have shaped his son into, if he’d had one.
I have such a burning desire deep inside of me to leave some sort of mark on the world. To make an impact in some way. What way I would want to do that, now that’s the trick, I have zero fucking clue. I want to write a book, make a documentary, take a photo that makes people stop in their tracks, leave footprints in every country, do something that starts a conversation. Right now, my best chance of leaving an impact on the world is ending up on dateline. Which then brings a new fear to light. What if I get murdered or kidnapped… and it doesn’t even make it on dateline. Imagine, dying a horrible death and Keith Morrison doesn’t even care. Now that would mark a real tragedy of one’s existence. I like to think that I’m good at quite a few things, but I’m not great at any one thing.
Sticking with something or believing in an idea and taking the time to nurture it is the real struggle. (Next to having to deal with the man across the aisle on the plane I’m currently sitting on who apparently can’t keep his socks on, sorry I don’t care how long the flight is or what the situation. Take your shoes off I’m all for it, but socks stay on, always!). Hell, I have a hard enough time sticking with this blog I started 3 years ago (it’s now been 11 months since my last post). It’s not for a lack of trying or the want to do it. It’s the feeling of does what I have to say interest anyone. Should I just be writing all of this in a notebook that I’ll throw away the next spring cleaning. I love writing and I have ideas going through my head 24/7. My phone notepad is full of ideas and thoughts that come at all times of the day and night. Is it easier to just stick to your job and life than maybe putting yourself out there to make a mark on the world and falling short or missing the mark. Do I want to put myself out there and be vulnerable to fail? Shit, I don’t even have the desire to put myself out there to date right now. On top of that you must be 100% ready to not only fall short, but more than likely no one is going to give a fuck. That’s the bigger reality to all of it is that people just don’t care in general. The greater reality in life is that there will probably be one or two people whose lives you impact in some way. But you’ll probably never know or realize it.
Hopefully one day I’ll write that book, visit every country, change a life, or take the impactful photo, but until then I’ll just keep posting few and far between blog posts.
Meander With Mal 