Most women in their mid to late 30’s will never forget their first introduction to dating and sex. You’d hear the static of the tv rolling into a hum that signified Sex and the City was about to begin. I was 11 years old when the show first premiered, watching these 4 drastically different women go through the same dating woes always made me wonder, what will my journey be like? Well at 33, about to step into 34 and single, I will say my life is quickly mirroring all of these women. My biological clock is Charlotte screaming where is he! My heart is Carrie poetically analyzing every man I meet. But my brain and body are Miranda and Samantha SCREAMING, I really just need a man to lay on top of me and then leave so I can be a boss ass bitch. I recently decided to go back and re-watch the entire show and the biggest let down is, nothing has changed since 1998. Every issue, conversation, and issue still hold true in 2021. The age-old question, do people change was quickly answered from just the first episode that literally everything when it comes to men and women are exactly the same. They were 4 successful independent women trying to figure out how to not be too forward, make the man chase them, waiting around for men to make moves even though they felt, why can’t I just say what I want or need? Oh, but things have changed, now we have dating apps! And we’re in a pandemic which means thank god for the apps because it is literally impossible to go out and meet someone in the wild. Even if you could meet someone in the wild, they probably won’t notice you behind your mask while their eyes are likely on their phone swiping away. Could you imagine those 4 women locked down in their apartments, swiping away for a quarantine buddy? Now I’m not going to go on and on about you have to love yourself and be happy by yourself before you can be with someone. Yes, that is all true and if you don’t know it by now then go read up on it and come back to this after. I have no advice, I’m still trying to figure out my own life. I love being single, yes life does get lonely especially when I’m not allowed to do anything but go to work and sit at home alone. Would it be nice to have someone to go through life with right now? OF COURSE! Do I immediately snap out of being lonely when I actually think about if someone was here all the time ABSOLUTLEY!
But back to this Sex and the City bullshit. Why is it bullshit you ask? Watching this show as a pre-teen it was all so glamourous. A young girl from nowhere Kansas, watching these powerful women living their best life dating and doing what they wanted. Watching this show as a 33-year-old single woman in literally any town anywhere…. who the hell wrote Carrie’s character? We watched her for 6 seasons chase Big around, let him treat her like shit, she makes excuses for him time and time again. Then she meets Aiden, who knows what he wants, wants it with her, and what does she do! She runs back to Big and has an affair, because why be with the healthy honest relationship when you can let that one toxic guy treat you like shit at least one more time. But they couldn’t stop there, no little girls everywhere gather around. Then they’re going to make a movie where she waiting all this time and is going to marry Big. Guess what, he doesn’t show up to the wedding, fucking shocker. Don’t fret though she finds herself again strong successful woman…. She takes him back. Makes me wonder, is there ever really a happy ever after? (That’s my best attempt at a philosophical “Carrie” line). The show was saying one thing and showing the exact opposite. Now with the 3 other women, they showed them finding real love, even if it didn’t look like what they had imagined. Standing up for themselves and what they wanted in a healthy way. But what do women all have a story about? The Carrie moments of their lives because of course she was the problematic protagonist HBO wanted all of us to relate to.
I hate dating, now let me explain. I don’t hate the actual act of going on dates, meet new people, have a good time, or have a horrible time that becomes a good story for wine night. But in 2021 we are still in the times of playing the dating game. How long do I wait to text him back, what if he hasn’t texted yet, what does that mean, whoever cares less has the power. Can’t a girl just get laid and skip all the drama? Yes, all of these things are real and its exhausting. At what point do we just say what we want and they can take it or leave it. If you sleep with a guy too soon will they judge you, will that make them not call you again, blah blah blah blah. All of it sucks, I want things to just be cut and dry, do you want to see where this goes or nah. The rash truth is if someone wants to be with you, text you, see you, then they’re going to. No matter if you’ve slept with them, called them first, texted back too fast. If they want to then they will. Now that part can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but what most people don’t actually sit down and think of is do you actually want to be with them? It’s very easy to get swept up in just meeting someone having a great date or just wanting someone in your life. A lot of times we end up in a Carrie moment of our lives, being upset about someone or something that in the end we don’t actually want. It’s just currently there in front of us. Now this is the moment where live your life. Get into your hobbies, friends, try new things, and keep dating! Do what you want, ask for what you want, and when you come across the person that you actually want in your life, it will happen (or so I’ve been led to believe). Has this happened for me…possibly? Do we usually dismiss or run away from what might be right for us, but it doesn’t fit into our “this is how it should be”? Definitely happens, this would be our Miranda and Steve moment in life. Do I always follow my own advice or this same advice from my friends, absolutely not!
I am currently under order from the military that I cannot go anywhere or participate in anything that isn’t essential. So, I go to work then I go home. I am on a dating app where once I start chatting with someone, I get to explain to them that I’m already more of a hassle date then it’s probably worth and here are all of my rules of how we can meet or go on a date. What am I supposed to do, fuck it just come to my house please don’t murder me? I’ve gone on one date during this pandemic. Met at a park had a really good time. Now, is he going to call, did he have a good time, what’s going to happen, where is this going to go? They all happened, I’m still an overthinking red-blooded woman. But it was easier to snap out of it and realize, I don’t even know this person, is he even someone I’d actually want to spend time with, do we really have anything in common? When you really ask yourself that and answer honestly, you will gladly just continue on with your life and not have time to worry about all of the above questions. Because it’s way more important to know what you want, then wondering what he wants.
Dating apps can be a great way to meet people and it can also be a terrible way to be flooded with unsolicited dick pics from creeps. It’s about 50/50 on having a fun conversation with someone that you end up meeting and someone that’s opening line is a photo of them in their underwear with a hard on asking “do you think you can handle this girth?” Yes, that was a real message from someone I just unmatched with them and then told all of my friends. No matter what, dating apps or out in the wild, I think the general consensus would be… dating in your 30’s sucks.
Meander With Mal 